Updated Testimony

My life is a journey. It is a process of growing, discovering who I am, and who God wants me to be. I still feel unsure about many things in my life, yet I feel like I am sure about a lot of things. I have come so far and still have a ways to go. It is a never ending learning curve. An experience I would have no other way than how God wants it to be.

Growing up I did what was normal for a kid who grew up in a Christian home, asked Christ into my heart at a young age, went to church, and did good things. I never strayed away from God which I used to think my life story wasn't life changing or impactful enough. That is near the beginning of the lies that started to creep into my life.

In Elementary school I got good grades, did all my homework on time or early, had few friends, was impacted by my teachers in a good way. Gym class became a little harder knowing about my illness in grade three but overall Life seemed good.

As my illness started to get worse, I was falling constantly, I scraped my knee more times then I can count. God never left me, I know this because my knees have been beaten up so much, yet you probably couldn't tell, they were ever scraped. I still remained hopeful even though it was the beginning of a hard journey.

Beginning a new school for grade seven was a bittersweet experience for me, I was ready to move on and have a new experience yet at the same time, I was comfortable, in a place that I was used to. My comfort zone is still a place I tend to lean towards.

Steinbach Christian High School was my school from grade seven through twelve. This came with many good memories and many bad ones as well. Being in a Christian school was exactly where I felt called to go, it was amazing to have an atmosphere of Godly teachers who never ceased to do their job, who went above and beyond at times. I wouldn't want to change my time there for anything. Grade seven was hard, way to many girls in my class (which was an issue the whole time), which entailed lots of drama, and people started developing cliques throughout the class.

The next two years a few people came and went, but there was always a main group of people who stayed the whole time. Grade ten came, with way more new people than ever before. Each time new people came it was never a hard adjustment, we always got close to them within the first two months.Things got better with drama as the years went on. In the process of switching to high school, my closest friend stopped being my friend, I am still not entirely sure what even happened, but nonetheless it still hurts and I am still working through things with that. In grade eleven I began using a scooter part time at school, because I was getting weaker. The first day I was going to use it, I sat beside it, looked at it, and I was crying a bit, I just could not gain the courage to sit on it. A lady came and talked to me, helped me get through it, I don't remember what she said, but I am so great full she was there, and I won't forget it. I sat down and away I went. I never was worried about getting on it again.

Grade twelve came and I began using a wheelchair at school and everywhere full time. That brought its challenges with my friends at school not spending time with me, Since then I still have not hung out with them. Things changed when I met my new best friend, I really got to know her in that year. She lives in Mexico,  the whole time that was kinda pushed to the back of my mind. After grad, she went home, I have seen her very little, we still keep in touch, I am so great full She is my friend. It is not easy but I would rather have her in my life in a small way then no way at all.

During high school I also saw some of my friends be healed of some physical discomfort, at first I was a little upset, I was not really happy for them, but after a while, I was thrilled and overjoyed for them. Many things in life are about perspective, I needed my perspective to change in order to realize things I didn't see before.

Overall I did good in school, made it on the honour roll quite a bit. Graduated with honours, and the Christian Character Award. Receiving that award was unexpected but it meant so much to me. Knowing that everything I went through I still managed to make a difference and impact my classmates.

Leaving a school a second time is not much different then the first. Bittersweet as always. This time my new journey is something I never experienced before.

School of Ministers (SOM) was something I wanted to do. I felt called to do it. SOM was challenging, stretching, yet so useful, and completely worth it. I met lots of new people, and saw people I knew before. The information is so important, it can be overwhelming but It was so valuable. Reading through a big chunk of the Old Testament, a book each week, each week I was surprised how I got it done. The two books we read were so good, i will definitely be re reading them one day. The first book was about grace, those testimonies were really neat to learn from. The second book was about spiritual disciplines, it opens your eyes to understand the importance of those disciplines. For both the books there was homework, as I answered the questions, words just kept flowing until I was done answering the questions.

Challenges definitely popped up. For the first time I had to let someone else drive the van, I went to Winnipeg to pray for churches, we went around steinbach to do a scavenger hunt type thing, the retreat, and praying out loud with people I didn't know that well. Those things helped me begin to open the door of my process of trusting God.

 Throughout my life God has lead me from one thing to the other almost effortlessly, Until after SOM. I have been struggling with believing lies about my worth and God. It has been hard trying to break free of that, also anxiety has been a big issue. It began a long time ago, and I am still working on it. On top of that trying to figure out my emotions is a mess, but God is slowly chipping away at these areas, so we will see how that goes. Worrying about the future is still a thought that pops up here and there as well.

I am learning to let go of high expectations, staying calm in unknown difficulties that appear, trusting God, giving him control, not getting worked up over things I can't control, and not planning ahead.

I began volunteering at the hospital, I did that for a while and then I also began going to volunteer at my aunties classroom with grade four kids. I am still volunteering at both these places, possibly thinking about applying for a job. Lately I feel lonely, lack of purpose or direction. I am hoping to dig into some areas, listening and praying for insight into them.

Like I said at the beginning life is a journey, it doesn't always take you where you want to go but it does take you where you need to go. Thats how it was designed. God made each of our stories to be unique just like our looks, our lives are precious and special. A revelation of God's glory, creativity and originality, remarkable expressed through our testimonies. There is no other experience quite like the invitation of allowing God to speak through your words directly from a message in your brain. It is wonderfully and fearfully hard to even comprehend. That is our creator, that is our God.